Please do not be surprised or feel strange with this new blog profile, trust me I’m kinda feel that way too at that moment, this new “name” sounds pretty unfamiliar still to my ear. This new white & clean blog layout seems foreign to my genre. But, one thing I am so determined of is that new thing gives me a new “identity” that boost my “self-identity”. This is my calling: MAMA.

And YES! my 33 months old son calls me MAMA. Literally…every single second of my entire day. Sometimes he gently calls me MAMA, sometimes he screams MAMAAAAAAAAA…and other times he cried MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA. Well, whichever tone he choose at certain times, they would sounds the same to me at one point of my life; I felt that this “identity” this “calling” sounded more like a pain on my ear than a pride to my soul. I don’t know about you, I was once at the edge of giving up on this stay-at-home mum thingy, filled with non-stop cleaning up the crumbs on and under every tables, tidying up the same toys for 20 times a day, 2 daily baskets of unwashed laundry – 3 daily baskets of cleaned laundry, have a picnic at the park when the sun’s out which mostly turned out to be a “panic” at the park; when your son preferred to have a chasing birds run time than a nice sitting down lunch time, back at home with a great plan for dinner, or sounds more like chinese takeaway again. Oh and add some tantrums in between a perfect day, some failed car transfer moment, and countless wake up night visitation. And another day passed by. I was once so exhausted with ALL this tiring routines. I was so overwhelmed by the everyday tasks a mom must do and all the daily chaos a mom needs to fix. AARRGGGHHH… too much…

And up to one point, I realised that I was powerless to DO ALL THINGS RIGHT. the more I try the more frustrated I would be. Then I realised my one mistake; I was so focused on my “doing” than my “being”. I was trying to do daily “mom-ing/wife-ing” way too much than being one. Well you know, neither my husband nor my son required me to keep the house clean for 24 hours. It was just me who was caught up in cleaning and tidying. And the moment I heard my son say the word “MAMAAAAA” it sounded like a ticking bomb to me. I was exploded in a few seconds.

This daily routines comes in a form of REPETITION, it could either build up or kill my life. It would KILL me if I keep my old way of living; focusing on my doing. But, thank God I decided to shift my way of living, now I am aiming to be a wife/mom to my family. I’d rather be playing and taking a nap with my son than doing the freaking dishes non-stop. I’d rather be laying on the bed for a pillow talk time before bed rather than folding 3 baskets of laundry. And guess what?! I found myself, my soul at a better level now. Today, I appreciate this calling “MAMA”. I feel proud of myself hearing someone calling me his mama; a life giver, a life maker. And the more I hear it, the more joy I found on this particular calling. I am grateful for this REPETITION, cause it build my life towards a better version of me every single day. First, I move toward mastering it. Second, I can accomplish a giant task with frequent small actions toward the goal. Third, repetition creates habits.

So, here I am starting a new journey of MAMA ON REPEAT; finding the beauty amidst the everyday chaos. So, here’s my last word of today, welcome on board. xx

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