MOMMY MONSTER SYMPTOMS

Does the Mommy Monster show up at your house on occasion? When the Mommy Monster yells, her anger affects the whole family. Last year I began to realize she was showing up at my house more than I was comfortable with. Every time she visits the house, suddenly the whole house atmosphere changes; cold and dark. When I examined what dynamics brought the appearance of the Mommy Monster, I realized that my unrealistic expectations were contributing to my craziness. I was not accurately estimating my children’s actual abilities. Bottom line: I WAS EXPECTING TOO MUCH TOO SOON.

Bottom line: I WAS EXPECTING TOO MUCH TOO SOON.

I WAS EXPECTING TOO MUCH TOO SOON

I remembered my lowest point as a mother last year, when I feel so lost, negative, unmotivated, hurtful, and helpless. I was applying rules, boundaries and time-out to my two-year-old. I was training my toddler to sleep through the night on his own room. I just started my small business. I was trying to conceive at the same time. (Read more of my struggle to conceive on Our Story – First Bumpdate)

However, the realities were revolved in contrast.

I was frustrated with with my two-year-old constantly pushing the limits, I was caught up in countless night soothings and sleep deprived. I barely saw any progress/prospects on my new business. I threw many pregnancy tests with one line (-) results.

This well intentioned mom was not accurately estimating her child’s actual abilities nor her own body actual abilities. She expecting too much too soon, which resulted in added stress for herself and her child. Yeahhh…that summed up my life a year ago perfectly. THAT’S ME you are talking about.

I overestimate my child’s ability to exercise self-control, to stay focused on a task, and to handle social situations. It’s normal for a two-year-old to get upset if he doesn’t get something he wants. It’s normal for a three-year-old to lose it if there’s a change in his bedtime routine. It’s normal to see zero progress in the beginning years of your business. It’s normal for my body to have some times to get ready for some major changes.

I LOSE PERSPECTIVE OF WHAT IS NORMAL

Too often, I let my own impatience take the lead and I scold with an angry voice because deep down I expect them to act better than they are. I lose perspective of what is normal behaviour for their age and stage of development. I get angry because they don’t live up to my off-the-charts expectations, and then Mommy Monster shows up full force.

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BE STILL

I did not realize that I was being overestimating/ overreacting until my husband told me “Calm down, he’s just turned two…” Often times, I forget the most powerful thing in life; the power of stillness. 

When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. — Eckhart Tolle

There are times for every thing under the heaven; there are times to plant, there are times to harvest, there are times for winter, there are times for summer. Expect something too soon will only give us unripe fruits. Be still and know that God is working relentlessly on behalf of our well intentioned.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

Today, I am happier mom. I rarely see the Mommy Monster around the house. I finally had my beauty sleep back because Jared has successfully achieved another milestone in conquering his fear; sleeping through the night on his own bed like a boss. I am growing another human inside my belly. I got my creativity back and found some good networks for the business.

I am uberly excited for this year! BYE MOMMY MONSTER! I hate you as much as I love you. X

If any of you could relate to any of this drama, I just wanted to encourage you to sit back and take a deep breath, count one to ten, then let your mind to rest for while. Everything is gonna be okay. The day will come to pass. It is normal to feel this way, but you are never alone in this tough gig. You are made for this!!

 

Love,

Kenny

7 PREGNANCY BATTLES AND BLESSINGS

There is a promise for every battle

Life is “battle and blessing”

When we are in a battle it is hard to believe that it will ever to come to an end. When we are in a period of blessing we sometimes expect it will go on forever. But life is not like that. There are battles and blessings.

It’s not a secret that our family is struggling to conceive this 2nd baby. But, at the end, it happened. This process has taught me a lesson; that life always being on two tracks, battles and blessings. At any given moment in life there are usually blessings, but also battles to face. It is all about perspective. At the end of the day, your perspective towards life will determine your way of living.

While I am battling with the uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms, I am more assured of  bigger blessings/healthier baby God is knitting inside my womb.

My 7 Pregnancy Battles and Blessings

  1. Morning sickness – Whoever came up with this symptom’s name, he/she must not been pregnant before. Ha. Seriously… It doesn’t only happen in the morning. literally. It may visit you at any times of the day or perhaps it goes ALL DAY long for the entire 40 weeks. With my 2nd pregnancy, I experienced worse morning sickness than previous one. It often hits at night time before bed, or the when I was in the hot shower. What a good timing…(says no mum ever). HOWEVER, these continuous events boost my confidence that the baby’s growing healthy inside my womb, especially during the risky first 12 weeks of his life.
  2. Growing bust and breast – My bras are suffocating me. That’s what I feel every day. My bra size went 2 sizes up the moment I reached my 2nd tri-semester. And still going up today. HOWEVER, I am glad knowing that my breasts are working hard and its best in storing up some good produce milk for my long awaiting newborn. So today, #nobra is my my favourite state of life. 😉
  3. Changing hormones – Mood swing game strong. I cried a lot over tiny mistakes. I got really annoyed over small things. Often it creates a dark atmosphere in the house, and affect everyone else in the house. Then again I feel guilty. It’s a constant battle to control your own emotions and behaviours towards others, HOWEVER, I feel grateful for this learning ground to practice my patience and self-control. FYI, I prays a lot God please help me to get through the day. 
  4. Stretchmarks – I have tried many different methods to avoid stretch-marks but my skins cracked anyway. Then, I feel ugly and loose my confident. HOWEVER, the more I see other moms posting their postpartum belly, I realised that its like a free permanent tattoo on your tummy symbolising life and love. It is truly precious and beautiful.Csection-Photography-31
  5. Urine leeking – WHAT?! I peed myself?! I can’t help it. It’s embarrassing. HOWEVER, the pressure of the growing uterus on the bladder is the indication of my baby growing bigger and stronger accordingly. No complaints.
  6. Forgetful brains – Dang…I left my keys in the house again! Call hubby to come to rescue. HOWEVER, I am grateful for this “pregnancy brain”, it is the season where I need to learn to SLOW DOWN and do things one at a time.
  7. Siblings changing behaviour – This one kills me slowly day by day. My 3 year old son cries a lot than ever. He wants mommy more than ever. He behaves ridiculously silly more than ever. He needs mommy to carry him more than ever. I am tired. HOWEVER, on the other hand, I am glad to have all the cuddles and kisses exclusively all by myself. So, I choose to enjoy this tough moments.

I am HAPPY where I AM today. Despite of the constant battles I have to face everyday, all of them are truly blessings in disguise to me. I am so READY for the next season with my 2 boys. It’s gonna be fun and more rough (slightly)…

Wish me luck. X

 

Love,

Kenny

 

 

 

NEW WAYS TO DEAL WITH TANTRUMS & REBELLIOUS TODDLER

 

Attention to bad behavior increases bad behavior (yelling, lecturing, scolding, spanking and punishing are all forms of negative attention), while attention to good behavior increases good behavior.

I was struggling to deal with a two year old J. He becomes fussier, more demanding, more fractious, more resistant, more stubborn. I freaked out whenever the tantrums hit. Especially ON PUBLIC, when I’m doing groceries or coffee catch-ups. When all eyes are ON me; all fingers are pointing AT me. Yelling, spanking, bribery, I literally unload all stuffs inside my bag. I did everything I could, but he went more hysterical and rebels against me.

And then I read above quote : Attention to bad behavior increases bad behavior (yelling, lecturing, scolding, spanking and punishing are all forms of negative attention), while attention to good behavior increases good behavior.

Then I realised that I’ve been give a wrong approach to J’s tantrums and bad behaviours. The harder I push myself on fixing his bad behaviour, the more efforts he will hardened himself to change. It’s just the nature of growing. So, I’ve learned from my mistakes.

And here are my successful tips in dealing with tantrums and rebellious toddler:

  1. Try to BE CALM in every situation : your kids are able to sense your feelings/emotions. If they see you’re panicking, they will become one too. But, if they see your calm face, then they will calm down themselves too. When they hear you yell or scream, they will cry even harder.
  2. Learn to IGNORE – or walk away from annoying behaviour : when you stop giving attention to the annoying behaviour, there’s nothing in it for the child. They may start to throw more tantrums at first for not getting what they want as it used to be, but eventually they will realise that tantrums won’t work anymore.
  3. DISTRACT their focus to their favourite things : this trick is the best magic we could ever do to Mr. J, this guy loves his snack time, and whenever he cries in the car, in the laundry, under my feet, I always straight away offer him food. And as soon as he hears snacks, he stop crying. Do not focus on saying “don’t cry, stop crying” cause it makes them more focus on the crying itself, cause that’s the only word they could hear from us.
  4. Give an instruction only ONCE : Don’t foster greater disobedience by giving it a lot of attention. If you focus on their defiance, it will actually increase. With J, I try to tell him once and then watch his following reaction from a far. Most of the results surprise me.
  5. CHANGE our language – find the “positive opposite” of “stop” and “don’t” instead of saying “do not use your shoes at home”, change it to “please take off your shoes before you enter the house”
  6. REWARD every positive good behaviours they do : after all, this thing matter the most, they learn and grow become a better person. So, every little praise, smile, high five, word of encouragement counts. Give extra attention to the positive behaviour they do and give them an assurance that they are on the right track.

These methods NOT only works well for Jared, but for me too. It gave me a big change. To be ease on myself, cause after all, I can’t change people according to my time and will. I can expect them to change the way I want them to be in such period of time. I gotta remind myself that I’m dealing with a 2.9 feet tall human being that see things differently than what I see. One way to understand their perspective is by kneeling down on their shoes and become a mature version of them. So, mommies, let’s take a deep breath and be easy on ourself and to our kids more. As long as we live on this earth, we are all still on the run of learning process. This is called the SCHOOL OF LIFE. xx

 

Love,

 

the Tjungs

#OOTD : JUST THE TWO OF US

OH MONDAY! Here you are. It is time to post a new #ootd of The Tjungs Squad. This time you’ll ONLY see Daddy and Mommy for the entire page. Bye J…it’s your fault for taking a very long nap yesterday and made us do this. Ha.*joking* We love nap times like this. In fact, we are in need for more nap times, so we got to spend some quality time as a couple. Just the TWO OF US.

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There’s NO specific theme for today’s #ootd. We’re just being true to ourself; freeing our soul. Andri is a guy who loves freedom and yet he has a pretty good organisation skill. He loves simplicity, and he make complicated things simple. So, that’s why I consider him as a smart guy. 😉 And here’s his daily smart casual style.

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Bomber Jacket & White shirt & Chinos (Zara), Sweats (Marcs), Sunnies (Urban Outfitters), Stan Smith (Adidas)

I, myself, is a girl who loves adventure. In contrast to Andri, I have poor organisational skill, I do things randomly and spontaneously. I am a fun person, but I myself do not think that I am funny. Andri is more funnier than me. He has a pretty darn good old time jokes which always work for me. wkwkwkwkkwkw. So, yeahhh…I pretty much love to try many styles and today I guess I was loving my gothic look. What do you think?

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Matte Lipstick & choker (Sporstgirl), Longline Tan Vest (Seed Heritage), Black dress (H&M), Clutch (Tory Burch), Ring (Mimco), Boots (Sam Edelman)

We had so much fun taking shots of one another while J’s napping in the car. We laughed, we smiled, we threw some useless jokes, we danced, we hugs and kisses each other. Just like our usual date. *without leaving the car and J’s behind, it stayed next to us for the entire shooting session*

After yesterday, I realised how important it is a quality time with the first guy in the family. Even just a few minutes or hours, it counts. It brought me back to our old first love days. When just the TWO OF US starred at each other, stopped the time, and rule the world. Trust me, it will give you your sparks back. And yeahhh..it went on till night time. yuhuuuu…

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Have you planned your next date with spouse yet? we have. Stay tuned for some updates.

 

Love,

 

The Tjungs