DO NOT FIND BALANCE BETWEEN MARRIAGE AND KIDS

I heard this statement a lot – “find balance between your marriage and kids” which sounds a lot of sense to my ears BUT it seems impossible to my brain. How can you balance the amount of time a mom spends to clean up the unnecessary discharges of her baby’s butt in a day? How can you balance the amount of time a mom put up with millions unreasonable question of a 3-year-old? How can you balance the sleep hours of a busy mom of three under 5? How can you balance the hours a mom spend to help the kids out with their home works? How can you balance a sex life while the little living creatures could easily creep on your bed at anytime they want?

BALANCING sounds unrealistic to my relationship with my spouse. I could never expect him to spend as many hours as I spend with my son. I would never be satisfied by comparing how much “me-time” I have sacrificed for my son to how much “me-time” my spouse have sacrificed for my son. Simply because we fill a different role for our son. As his mother, I am responsible to fill his mental provision and security needs, such as: character qualities building, academic studies need to be developed in her children. Whereas, my spouse, a father, is responsible to fill his physical & financial provision and security needs, such as: developed defence skill, sports buddy, the source of family’s financial support. And we both work together to build up my son’s spiritual needs. Thus, we could never be able to compare our deeds to one another equally. We both hold a totally different important role to my kid’s development. So in this case, I would never be able to find the silver lining of BALANCE within our relationship.

The moment we’re focusing too much on the word “BALANCING” the more frustrated we are from falling behind further the target. Here’s the case, “BALANCE” is talking about an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. Balance is correlated with the word even. And when we started to zoom in to the amount each one of us have put up with our kids to date, don’t be surprise to find out the truth of an UNEVEN result. And, most of the times, this is the thing that made people struggles to maintain their sparks and romances between spouses. One blames another, and the other defences themselves.

There’s NOTHING WRONG with each individual, they are just measuring things with the wrong scale at the right time. 

So, in my house instead of “finding the balance between marriage and kids”, we would come to a place of “AGREEMENT”. WE STOP BALANCING THINGS, WE MOVE TOWARDS AGREEING ON THINGS. We put aside our own scales, we sit down and talk through the issues (eg: time management, sex life, emotional breakdown, financial difficulties, child’s behaviour), we analyse the pros and cons, and come up with absolute solutions. In other words, we both agree on a certain approach to our problems. And, I, personally, found this method really helps me to boost a confidence inside of me; which sometimes is hardly found in a stay-at-home mum. That I have a quiet powerful voice which could impact my spouse, my kid and the world. And this is my SUPER POWER. And yours too super mama.

One of our agreements that we always keep for the past 3 years of our journey together as as a parent is to DATE one another once a week. And I am glad we did, because without it, I would probably forget how to smile and laugh. X

dayoff-3dayoff-4dayoff-5dayoff-6dayoff-11

Love,

Kenny

MONOCHROME PARTNER

I remembered praying to God for a life partner when I was still teenager. I had tons of small preferences I kept for in my mind ONLY for my personal consumption. And the lists I wrote on a piece of paper at one conference in 2011. God answered it all in one through my husband, Andri. He is the man whom God has sent to my life as my special assignment (in a positive way). I would always do my best to execute this assignment to get my “HD”. And I am always grateful to be able to call him; MY MONOCHROME PARTNER, today.

We met first met each other on 2007, and remained friends for the next 5 years. Early 2012, we were both broke up from our previous relationship. And kinda had the same mission to pursuing God’s calling upon our life, and NOT desperately seeking for a life partner yet (but still putting this matter on our Top 3 prayer lists) But hey! God had another plan, He was up for a match making  business. Out of nowhere, our senior pastor wanted to open up a new extension church service in the metro city area, and Andri was appointed to be the lead pastor there. And I was the lucky one to be chosen as his assistant. Ha. From there, we were getting to know more better and deeper. And decided to take this relationship more seriously. It took us for 9 months to get engaged, and another 11 months to get married. yeahhh…It was pretty instant. Some people thought that it’s NOT enough durations for us to get to know one another and to understand one another. But, God seemed to ease all the introduction process; getting to know your partner 101, we had the same vision towards our future, the same principal of life, the same beliefs of the Kingdom of God, the same desires to start a family (with kids). I guess, there is NO thing made me thinking twice to said “I DO”. right?! 😉 andri-kenny

Well, besides our similarities, of course, we had some differences and preferences. And yes! those are the things that we need to work on to maintain the UNITY within the family. These are the areas where we need to extend more grace and slow in judging. Give more compliments and less taking score. We are in this together. We are made for one another. And we are stronger together. We’re not only completing one another, beyond that we are complimenting one another with our strengths. And this is one of the reason why we started our blog journey. Andri has the gift in photography, and myself always passionate in fashion, and J, he is our model and inspirations. We found that blog is one of the tool that can facilitate each and everyone’s gifts at the same time. This was just one example of many more.

Romans 12:4-5 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

These words. It taught and helped us a lot in building the strong foundation of our families. We rarely find ourselves caught up in a big argument or fight simply by applying this simple method of body of Christ. Rather than focusing on fixing my spouse, I should first checking on to my own functionality of my role as a wife; the helper of my husband.

Later these days, I found that we’re become more alike in almost every aspect. Same fashion taste, same food preferences, same way of thinking, more than once I found both of us wearing the same color scheme outfit for the day (purely unplanned ><) hahahaha. Isn’t it funny?! He becomes me. and I becomes him. ONE COLOR. ONE TONE. ONE HEART. So that is why I called him my MONOCHROME PARTNER. He is my favourite just like I love Monochrome that much. And today let me share our latest monochrome theme photo profile as a couple.

kk020811kk020826Andri : shirt (Uniqlo) // Kenny : basic tee & dress (Glassons)

Everyday I thank God for my relationship with my husband, for those of you who knows us daily and in the real life, I guess they know how we roll as a family. We are all about FUN and OUTGOING. We enjoy one another, we tease one another, we love one another. See you one the next post.

Love,

The Tjungs

STAYING IN LOVE IS A COMMITMENT

So, last week was our 3rd Wedding Anniversary. And really, time does fly. I feel like it was just yesterday; we changed vows and felt the butterflies in my stomach. But, hey! 3 years later, life couldn’t be more beautiful than this. We’ve blessed with such a healthy and happy baby, promising job and future, surrounded by a very supportive communities, been able to pastoring such a rad and passionate bunch of youths, travelled to different countries and experienced quite various culture in each country. Most importantly, our love towards one another is getting stronger than ever. Well, I have to admit that it is not easy to stay in love, especially when there are kids involve in the family, LOVE doesn’t come easy, it requires a lot of work and effort.

It is true that FALLING IN LOVE is a decision. but STAYING IN LOVE is a commitment.

Staying in love when kids are involved is……SOMETHING ELSE. Most of our times, energies, budgets goes to the kids. I mean, who does has a spare time to shop for your own bras? Or maybe a new pack of boxer? Hello, find me at the playground park or call me at home. We’re still struggling in this term too, just like the other couples out there. But we decided to take our relationship to the next level, the busier we are, the more quality time we need to make. Quality time means KIDS FREE. yesss!! So, here we are enjoying our lunch date to celebrate US. 😉 Don’t worry about the kids, they are more behave without the parents around though. What a surprised fact it is.

Went out to Botanical Garden, and enjoying a beautiful lunch and coffee of course at Botanic Restaurant . Dear seafood lovers, I would recommend you to try the squid ink parpadelle.

LDLD1

And we continued with some walks around the garden and photoshoot. Just like our daily routine, right?

LD14

It was a fun few hours, it was relaxing and refreshing. We rekindled our first love through some old jokes, future plans, and life chats. Getting to know my spouse more gave me a lot of respect towards him. He is such a Godly man who does his part as stated in Ephesians 5:25-27

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

He put me and the kid above himself, he never fails to give his best for the family and protects us anywhere and anytime. I salute him for all the works he has done for the family. And I always proud to call him my husband. He inspired me every day to be a better woman and wife for him according to Ephesians 5:22-24.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Not because what he has done to me, but because it is God’s commandment to all wives. And I believe that this is one of the key to unlock a happiness in our marriage. When both parties are doing their part in Christ. His love will continually overflows within our hearts and our families. Once again..HAPPY 3RD ANNIVERSARY TO THE TJUNGS. ❤ ❤

 

Love,

 

The Tjungs