MOMMY MONSTER SYMPTOMS

Does the Mommy Monster show up at your house on occasion? When the Mommy Monster yells, her anger affects the whole family. Last year I began to realize she was showing up at my house more than I was comfortable with. Every time she visits the house, suddenly the whole house atmosphere changes; cold and dark. When I examined what dynamics brought the appearance of the Mommy Monster, I realized that my unrealistic expectations were contributing to my craziness. I was not accurately estimating my children’s actual abilities. Bottom line: I WAS EXPECTING TOO MUCH TOO SOON.

Bottom line: I WAS EXPECTING TOO MUCH TOO SOON.

I WAS EXPECTING TOO MUCH TOO SOON

I remembered my lowest point as a mother last year, when I feel so lost, negative, unmotivated, hurtful, and helpless. I was applying rules, boundaries and time-out to my two-year-old. I was training my toddler to sleep through the night on his own room. I just started my small business. I was trying to conceive at the same time. (Read more of my struggle to conceive on Our Story – First Bumpdate)

However, the realities were revolved in contrast.

I was frustrated with with my two-year-old constantly pushing the limits, I was caught up in countless night soothings and sleep deprived. I barely saw any progress/prospects on my new business. I threw many pregnancy tests with one line (-) results.

This well intentioned mom was not accurately estimating her child’s actual abilities nor her own body actual abilities. She expecting too much too soon, which resulted in added stress for herself and her child. Yeahhh…that summed up my life a year ago perfectly. THAT’S ME you are talking about.

I overestimate my child’s ability to exercise self-control, to stay focused on a task, and to handle social situations. It’s normal for a two-year-old to get upset if he doesn’t get something he wants. It’s normal for a three-year-old to lose it if there’s a change in his bedtime routine. It’s normal to see zero progress in the beginning years of your business. It’s normal for my body to have some times to get ready for some major changes.

I LOSE PERSPECTIVE OF WHAT IS NORMAL

Too often, I let my own impatience take the lead and I scold with an angry voice because deep down I expect them to act better than they are. I lose perspective of what is normal behaviour for their age and stage of development. I get angry because they don’t live up to my off-the-charts expectations, and then Mommy Monster shows up full force.

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BE STILL

I did not realize that I was being overestimating/ overreacting until my husband told me “Calm down, he’s just turned two…” Often times, I forget the most powerful thing in life; the power of stillness. 

When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. — Eckhart Tolle

There are times for every thing under the heaven; there are times to plant, there are times to harvest, there are times for winter, there are times for summer. Expect something too soon will only give us unripe fruits. Be still and know that God is working relentlessly on behalf of our well intentioned.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

Today, I am happier mom. I rarely see the Mommy Monster around the house. I finally had my beauty sleep back because Jared has successfully achieved another milestone in conquering his fear; sleeping through the night on his own bed like a boss. I am growing another human inside my belly. I got my creativity back and found some good networks for the business.

I am uberly excited for this year! BYE MOMMY MONSTER! I hate you as much as I love you. X

If any of you could relate to any of this drama, I just wanted to encourage you to sit back and take a deep breath, count one to ten, then let your mind to rest for while. Everything is gonna be okay. The day will come to pass. It is normal to feel this way, but you are never alone in this tough gig. You are made for this!!

 

Love,

Kenny

7 PREGNANCY BATTLES AND BLESSINGS

There is a promise for every battle

Life is “battle and blessing”

When we are in a battle it is hard to believe that it will ever to come to an end. When we are in a period of blessing we sometimes expect it will go on forever. But life is not like that. There are battles and blessings.

It’s not a secret that our family is struggling to conceive this 2nd baby. But, at the end, it happened. This process has taught me a lesson; that life always being on two tracks, battles and blessings. At any given moment in life there are usually blessings, but also battles to face. It is all about perspective. At the end of the day, your perspective towards life will determine your way of living.

While I am battling with the uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms, I am more assured of  bigger blessings/healthier baby God is knitting inside my womb.

My 7 Pregnancy Battles and Blessings

  1. Morning sickness – Whoever came up with this symptom’s name, he/she must not been pregnant before. Ha. Seriously… It doesn’t only happen in the morning. literally. It may visit you at any times of the day or perhaps it goes ALL DAY long for the entire 40 weeks. With my 2nd pregnancy, I experienced worse morning sickness than previous one. It often hits at night time before bed, or the when I was in the hot shower. What a good timing…(says no mum ever). HOWEVER, these continuous events boost my confidence that the baby’s growing healthy inside my womb, especially during the risky first 12 weeks of his life.
  2. Growing bust and breast – My bras are suffocating me. That’s what I feel every day. My bra size went 2 sizes up the moment I reached my 2nd tri-semester. And still going up today. HOWEVER, I am glad knowing that my breasts are working hard and its best in storing up some good produce milk for my long awaiting newborn. So today, #nobra is my my favourite state of life. 😉
  3. Changing hormones – Mood swing game strong. I cried a lot over tiny mistakes. I got really annoyed over small things. Often it creates a dark atmosphere in the house, and affect everyone else in the house. Then again I feel guilty. It’s a constant battle to control your own emotions and behaviours towards others, HOWEVER, I feel grateful for this learning ground to practice my patience and self-control. FYI, I prays a lot God please help me to get through the day. 
  4. Stretchmarks – I have tried many different methods to avoid stretch-marks but my skins cracked anyway. Then, I feel ugly and loose my confident. HOWEVER, the more I see other moms posting their postpartum belly, I realised that its like a free permanent tattoo on your tummy symbolising life and love. It is truly precious and beautiful.Csection-Photography-31
  5. Urine leeking – WHAT?! I peed myself?! I can’t help it. It’s embarrassing. HOWEVER, the pressure of the growing uterus on the bladder is the indication of my baby growing bigger and stronger accordingly. No complaints.
  6. Forgetful brains – Dang…I left my keys in the house again! Call hubby to come to rescue. HOWEVER, I am grateful for this “pregnancy brain”, it is the season where I need to learn to SLOW DOWN and do things one at a time.
  7. Siblings changing behaviour – This one kills me slowly day by day. My 3 year old son cries a lot than ever. He wants mommy more than ever. He behaves ridiculously silly more than ever. He needs mommy to carry him more than ever. I am tired. HOWEVER, on the other hand, I am glad to have all the cuddles and kisses exclusively all by myself. So, I choose to enjoy this tough moments.

I am HAPPY where I AM today. Despite of the constant battles I have to face everyday, all of them are truly blessings in disguise to me. I am so READY for the next season with my 2 boys. It’s gonna be fun and more rough (slightly)…

Wish me luck. X

 

Love,

Kenny

 

 

 

SMALL IS THE NEW BIG

Family and Fashion; two things that are very closed to my heart. So, when Kobi & Roo reached out to me for their first ever collaboration with the entire family, I was so thrilled!  AND…I can not say NO. So here we are representing this urban apparel brand for modern family originally from UK.

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And I am believer of a small beginning. Everything starts with a seed. And when you water them regularly, it WILL definitely grow.

Nothing was born BIG. But all things was born TO BE BIG.

Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin,…” – Zachariah 4:10

Big shouts to all the small shops across the world, I am proud of all of your boldness and courage. Including my dearest friend, Kobi & Roo. It is a small shop with a big potential. Run by a multitasking mom of two, Ezi. (love you girllll. X)

And today I had a chance to interview her further about her childhood dream and how this small shop has changed her life and her community. SO, here we go!!

1. Firstly…I must know what made you choose the name Kobi&Roo? 
Kobi & Roo was inspired by my two kids Nigerian middle names. My son is Kobimdi (Kobi) and my daughter is Chierika (Roo) They both inspired the brand.
2. What inspired you to get into business and start your own clothing label? 
I have always dreamt of owning my own fashion business from a young age. I finally took the bold step to set up my own modern clothing label during my maternity leave with my second child. I feel great ideas come during maternity leave (haha!) I was inspired by my kids. I love shopping for them but hate the stress of going to the shops and shuffling through piles of clothes. I am more of an online shopper, so i knew a lot of other moms are like me and want modern, unisex clothes for their kids and would prefer to buy it online. I also like the excitement i get from knowing that the postman would bring me a surprise soon and i know many people would too. 
3. Why do you go for small business? What impact does it make to your life?
Small business is very important to me. I feel It is where we all start from. Start small grow big. I believe small business is a learning process, a way to make an impact to your family, community, and the world in general. I like the fact that small businesses support each other and many more people are supporting small businesses. Gone are the days of competition, we now live in a world where collaboration is king.
4. I know for myself that I struggle to find work life balance and I feel as though I am always working, How do you manage the two? 
It is still a struggle as 24 hours just doesn’t seem to be enough. We as mums are blessed to be multitaskers. we try our best to wing it all. I do have my moments with balancing work and life, but the good thing about being a mom and having an online business is that you can work at your own schedule. No deadlines and no pressure. I try to balance my life by doing the most important things first, which is nurturing my family before i get down to business. 
5. I know for myself too that running small business is a tough gig, with limited time and resources we have, how you overcome those and stay motivated? 
I stay motivated by trusting God to see me through. I always put God first in my life as he is the giver of all good things. I also try to stay motivated by keeping to schedule. Like if i need to update my social media or create a new product for my store. Sometimes when you feel really exhausted, its best to give yourself a break and the motivation will be back if you are passionate about what you are doing.
6. Lastly, what do you think about the community’s response to small businesses today? What changes do its make to the community? 
I’m so impressed with the way people support small businesses. I tell you, social media is a gold mine filled with lots of talented and creative small businesses making an impact in their community. Being a small business owner, i have met some amazing small business owners and we encourage one another through regular small business Saturday shout outs, charity and fund raising activities, and regular raffle draws. its a small business revolution.
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Today, Kobi & Roo is running its 2nd brand enthusiast search for kids and has been featured on some local page. Way to go girl!!

SMALL IS INDEED THE NEW BIG

So, what are the small things you have in your hand today? Are you willing to take a big step unto them?

It’s not gonna be easy, but we are here walking this journey together and cheering on you. Oh..and any favourite small shops you would recommend? Please leave them coming on the comments below.

SHOP SOME MORE OUR FAVOURITES HERE

Love,

Kenny

DO NOT FIND BALANCE BETWEEN MARRIAGE AND KIDS

I heard this statement a lot – “find balance between your marriage and kids” which sounds a lot of sense to my ears BUT it seems impossible to my brain. How can you balance the amount of time a mom spends to clean up the unnecessary discharges of her baby’s butt in a day? How can you balance the amount of time a mom put up with millions unreasonable question of a 3-year-old? How can you balance the sleep hours of a busy mom of three under 5? How can you balance the hours a mom spend to help the kids out with their home works? How can you balance a sex life while the little living creatures could easily creep on your bed at anytime they want?

BALANCING sounds unrealistic to my relationship with my spouse. I could never expect him to spend as many hours as I spend with my son. I would never be satisfied by comparing how much “me-time” I have sacrificed for my son to how much “me-time” my spouse have sacrificed for my son. Simply because we fill a different role for our son. As his mother, I am responsible to fill his mental provision and security needs, such as: character qualities building, academic studies need to be developed in her children. Whereas, my spouse, a father, is responsible to fill his physical & financial provision and security needs, such as: developed defence skill, sports buddy, the source of family’s financial support. And we both work together to build up my son’s spiritual needs. Thus, we could never be able to compare our deeds to one another equally. We both hold a totally different important role to my kid’s development. So in this case, I would never be able to find the silver lining of BALANCE within our relationship.

The moment we’re focusing too much on the word “BALANCING” the more frustrated we are from falling behind further the target. Here’s the case, “BALANCE” is talking about an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. Balance is correlated with the word even. And when we started to zoom in to the amount each one of us have put up with our kids to date, don’t be surprise to find out the truth of an UNEVEN result. And, most of the times, this is the thing that made people struggles to maintain their sparks and romances between spouses. One blames another, and the other defences themselves.

There’s NOTHING WRONG with each individual, they are just measuring things with the wrong scale at the right time. 

So, in my house instead of “finding the balance between marriage and kids”, we would come to a place of “AGREEMENT”. WE STOP BALANCING THINGS, WE MOVE TOWARDS AGREEING ON THINGS. We put aside our own scales, we sit down and talk through the issues (eg: time management, sex life, emotional breakdown, financial difficulties, child’s behaviour), we analyse the pros and cons, and come up with absolute solutions. In other words, we both agree on a certain approach to our problems. And, I, personally, found this method really helps me to boost a confidence inside of me; which sometimes is hardly found in a stay-at-home mum. That I have a quiet powerful voice which could impact my spouse, my kid and the world. And this is my SUPER POWER. And yours too super mama.

One of our agreements that we always keep for the past 3 years of our journey together as as a parent is to DATE one another once a week. And I am glad we did, because without it, I would probably forget how to smile and laugh. X

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Love,

Kenny

NEW WAYS TO DEAL WITH TANTRUMS & REBELLIOUS TODDLER

 

Attention to bad behavior increases bad behavior (yelling, lecturing, scolding, spanking and punishing are all forms of negative attention), while attention to good behavior increases good behavior.

I was struggling to deal with a two year old J. He becomes fussier, more demanding, more fractious, more resistant, more stubborn. I freaked out whenever the tantrums hit. Especially ON PUBLIC, when I’m doing groceries or coffee catch-ups. When all eyes are ON me; all fingers are pointing AT me. Yelling, spanking, bribery, I literally unload all stuffs inside my bag. I did everything I could, but he went more hysterical and rebels against me.

And then I read above quote : Attention to bad behavior increases bad behavior (yelling, lecturing, scolding, spanking and punishing are all forms of negative attention), while attention to good behavior increases good behavior.

Then I realised that I’ve been give a wrong approach to J’s tantrums and bad behaviours. The harder I push myself on fixing his bad behaviour, the more efforts he will hardened himself to change. It’s just the nature of growing. So, I’ve learned from my mistakes.

And here are my successful tips in dealing with tantrums and rebellious toddler:

  1. Try to BE CALM in every situation : your kids are able to sense your feelings/emotions. If they see you’re panicking, they will become one too. But, if they see your calm face, then they will calm down themselves too. When they hear you yell or scream, they will cry even harder.
  2. Learn to IGNORE – or walk away from annoying behaviour : when you stop giving attention to the annoying behaviour, there’s nothing in it for the child. They may start to throw more tantrums at first for not getting what they want as it used to be, but eventually they will realise that tantrums won’t work anymore.
  3. DISTRACT their focus to their favourite things : this trick is the best magic we could ever do to Mr. J, this guy loves his snack time, and whenever he cries in the car, in the laundry, under my feet, I always straight away offer him food. And as soon as he hears snacks, he stop crying. Do not focus on saying “don’t cry, stop crying” cause it makes them more focus on the crying itself, cause that’s the only word they could hear from us.
  4. Give an instruction only ONCE : Don’t foster greater disobedience by giving it a lot of attention. If you focus on their defiance, it will actually increase. With J, I try to tell him once and then watch his following reaction from a far. Most of the results surprise me.
  5. CHANGE our language – find the “positive opposite” of “stop” and “don’t” instead of saying “do not use your shoes at home”, change it to “please take off your shoes before you enter the house”
  6. REWARD every positive good behaviours they do : after all, this thing matter the most, they learn and grow become a better person. So, every little praise, smile, high five, word of encouragement counts. Give extra attention to the positive behaviour they do and give them an assurance that they are on the right track.

These methods NOT only works well for Jared, but for me too. It gave me a big change. To be ease on myself, cause after all, I can’t change people according to my time and will. I can expect them to change the way I want them to be in such period of time. I gotta remind myself that I’m dealing with a 2.9 feet tall human being that see things differently than what I see. One way to understand their perspective is by kneeling down on their shoes and become a mature version of them. So, mommies, let’s take a deep breath and be easy on ourself and to our kids more. As long as we live on this earth, we are all still on the run of learning process. This is called the SCHOOL OF LIFE. xx

 

Love,

 

the Tjungs