WHO DESERVES YOUR LOVE THE MOST ?

As a mom, I tend to put myself behind others in the family, don’t you? Just because, I am a MOM. It’s in my nature to nurture and care the offsprings.

Who’s the first waking up in the morning?

Who’s the last closing their eyes at night?

Who’s the last person sitting on the dinner table?

Who’s the first person leaving the dinner table?

I don’t know about YOU. But these sounds like ME in everyday life. I tick all the boxes there – so I deserve a win I guess (on their eyes). Yes babe! You do! Take all the credits. I say it once again, take all the credits!

Ha….It took me only 3 years to understand this very word –

“I deserve all the credits”

I spent too many times hating and beating myself hard for not lifting up my performances to my expectations. Many nights, I sat on the corner of my bed crying out of guilts. Many hours, I sobbed pitying my life with dirty nappies and mess kitchen. Many occasions, I let others opinion overwrite my joy.

Then, a moment lights up – one night I sent J to bed as per usual, we planned to do all the bedtime routine as normal. The day was quite intense that day, and my face had turned red at the time, @#%3hdie&&! filled my brain. In the middle of our book reading, J told me “mommy, you should leave me now and go to work.” Then I replied, “wha do you mean?” J insisted “you should go to work, so you’ll get some money, and you will buy me toy, won’t you?”

I stopped there – AND yeah I realised that I can not pour out of an empty cup nor half empty cup. Others could feel the anger and disappointment within my soul. My child, he can sensed it. And that is the LAST thing you would let them feel; your negative vibe. No matter how hard you try to cover it from them, whatever you keep in your heart will ooze to the surface.

So, I quickly learn to love myself first before I can love others surround me.

Luke 10:27 The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

– Luke

Here was clearly stated to love your neighbors as yourself – how can you love others without knowing the art of loving yourself first? It is not an easy decision for me to put myself above others. However, I understand the significant impact it could bring onto others life today. SO, I CHOOSE TO LOVE MYSELF FIRST THIS VALENTINE’S DAY.

4 PRACTICAL STEPS ON HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF

1. SAY 3 THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF TODAY

Trust me! It is not as easy as it sounds!! ;(

Do yourself a quick test:

(in 5 seconds) mention 5 of your strengths / things you would die to keep in your life forever

(in 5 seconds) mention 5 of your weaknesses /something you wish you could change in life

Which questions you get all 5 in time?!

It is was easier to judge ourself than to appreciate ourself in life. We tend to train our brain by traits. By forcing myself to think hard about things I love about myself these days is the best healing force I have ever done.

2. BE GRACIOUS TO YOURSELF

The fact that you are a human. You have feelings and emotions. No one is perfect. Some of us confuse self-love with endless positivity and endless optimism. This will drag you to even hates yourself even more when you assume that we can only be tougher as what the world throw at us.

Allow yourself to be honest with who you are. Forgive yourself for your past deeds, those things you are ashamed of.

Learn to say “it is okay”

It is okay to not get everyone dress up nicely to the church.

It is okay to get a McDonalds for dinner today.

It is okay to leave the dirty dishes till tomorrow morning.


3. TREAT YOURSELFT

This part I love the most. Put your sanity above others. Go get some massage. Fix your nail and toe nails. Have some pretty blow dry at saloon. Enjoy your night outs with the girls.

Because you deserve it. Don’t feel bad about it.

4. SHARE YOURSELF

And only after you have worked out your own personal bumps you can begin to see the diamonds in the rough: your gifts.

Knowing that someone else out there might been through the exact pain/ confusion you were in last weekend. It is always worth to share your story to others. This is another effective way of self- healing; is when you try to be open with yourself. Being vulnerable is not a weak indication of a person, is a strong point of someone.

Find a medium or platform or group where you can give your experiences and take some tips and tricks about mothering/ parenting. It is always calming to have someone like-minded who gets your back through thick and thin.

So, here I am sharing my journey on this platform, believing that I am never alone in this, and would love to be someone else’s buddy on this journey called motherhood.

Connect with me on :
Instagram (@mamaonrepeat)
Pinterest (mamaonrepeat)

Lastly, here’s the answer to above question.

YOU!

It is you who deserves your love the most ! Remember that ! xx

Much love,

Kenny

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MOTHERHOOD TRAP

Well, finally they were asleep… Where should I start?

Expectation: 1) clean the crumbs on the floor, disinfect the high chair 2) load the laundries onto washing machine 3) cook dinner 5) wash the dishes 6) clean the toilet 7) hang the laundries 8) tidy up the toys.

Reality: 1) make a warm cuppa 2) sit on my favourite couch 3) fashion magz and iPhone on both hands until I hear the weird noise from the other room.

Gap: Motherhood Trap


Yes, this is motherhood trap

The feeling to be and do everything, all the time. Oh I am serious on this! This feeling is toxically good. I mean on one side you may feel superior for becoming the primary carer for the house/family. However, on the other side you may end up burning yourself up with responsibilities.

NOPE! I refuse to be overwhelmed with my role as a mother. Motherhood is supposed to be enjoyed, not endured. Often times the gap between our expectation and the reality is getting bigger and bigger. And if you’ve never decided to address and treat this issue well, this will only trigger the crap out of you. Because you will always feel defeated by your situation which eventually will crack you under pressure.

Because hey mummas…. It’s a world of contrasts. We’re being pulled in a thousand different directions everyday; having a battle between being a mum or a cook, a mum or a cleaner, being a mum or career woman, a mum or a wife ALL DAY LONG. Perhaps, I should put it this way, we are literally trapped in a several worlds, holding the laundry basket on hip, walking the puppies, holding it all together and there is no way of pleasing everyone.

Yes, this is motherhood trap

It is complicated – new mums, if only we can simply sleep while the baby sleeps. For me, I know that is the only time I can get my things done (households and works). Everyday is full of choices and sacrifices. And with each choice came, unbidden, a sense of guilt or regret or anxiety: Maybe I should have played with the kids instead of cooking dinner? Maybe I should have tidied the house instead of having a lie-down?

Yes, this is motherhood trap

There is no way we can avoid this situation. BUT, there some ways we can rise up to the occasions. So, let me share 2 TRUTHS ABOUT YOU, MUM:

1. You are a capable mother NOT a perfect mother

A mother can do anything but not everything. Always keep in your mind that you can not get everything on top of you. Do things one at a time, by following these steps:

  • Make a day to day to-do-list to simplify your tasks (categorise them based on your priorities),
  • cross each task you have done, and
  • do a quick review at night, lastly
  • celebrate every small wins you have done in a day.

2. What you do today will never devalue your identity as a mother 

Whatever choices you make today come with consequences. Never feel less about yourself. Believe on what you choose is for the benefits of the family. And in case you just had a bad day, please don’t milk it for too long. Stop a moment, take a deep breath and move on. You’ve still got many mothering things to do.

THUS…LET’S CLIMB OUT OF THIS MOTHERHOOD TRAP

 

Love,

Kenny

 

3 ODD THINGS TO THRIVE MOTHERHOOD

Do you find motherhood challenging? Do you feel inadequate for the role? Are you scared? Are feeling frustrated? How much sleep do you get this week? How many coffee do you finish a day?
and the list goes on…

Growing up I always want to be a mother. I love kids, and they love me. Not until I had my first child; not knowing what actual motherhood was like, and being afraid to talk about it with anyone. Everything started to change – one by one, little by little, day by day. How life changing and how emotionally complex a time it is for women – the powerful change of identity new mothers go through, the isolation of post-partum depression, and the on-going attachment. But it is still by far the greatest accomplishment I have ever achieved in my life. *pat on the back*

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We all know being a mother is never an easy job. Unlike 9 – 5 regular job, it requires all of your time, mind, energy, soul – ALL OF YOU. You can’t leave when you don’t feel like doing it. Everyday is a battle between mind and soul. Some peer pressures may add the nerves within you.

When all those things collide, I learnt quickly that in order for me to survive motherhood is by doing it my way.

And some of the ways are not ordinary to most ears. It might SHOCK most of the new mothers or soon to be a mother. So, are you ready?? These are my 3 ODD THINGS ON HOW TO SURVIVE MOTHERHOOD

YOU DON’T ALWAYS NEED AN ANSWER TO ALL YOUR QUESTIONS

Human brains, especially mom brains, in general don’t like dealing with ambiguity. We want to (believe that we) make decisions based on knowing all the facts.

Why does my 24 months old baby has suffer from sleep regression? When can you start introducing sugars to a child? What is the best gap between your first and second child? How can I remain calm when my toddler’s screaming and slamming her head on the wall during the groceries? Should I give my kid iPad and video games?

Unfortunately, this motherhood journey comes with no manual book, no contract, no insurance. There is no right or wrong, black or white. Every curiosity, every perplexity, every anxiety, every scarcity – these feelings are valid but not definite. There’s always a pro and contra to your questions. And that is okay. These should not affect your decision making process. Because remember you are doing motherhood for yourself and your children, NOT for other monsters.

So, calm down…stop putting all the pressures on yourself – to get everything fixed on the tip of your finger. Your brain may filled with 963,815 questions a day, your heart may rushed to 225 km/hr but you gotta accept the fact that some questions may not be answered instantly TODAY. But, ONE DAY you will get there. ONDE DAY you will understand why does thing happen accordingly in the past. Even when you find NO answer to your ambiguity, my one piece of advice, never give up on this hood called motherhood.

You are never alone on this journey, you are not the only clueless person on this crazy road. Ask around, speak up, and stay positive. You don’t need to figure out these puzzles alone today.

ONE PLUS ONE DOES NOT NECESSARILY TWO

What does motherhood to do with this complicated mathematical riddle. THAT’S IT! It is complicated. What I mean by this is not everyone will understand and accept this fact. SO, bear with it!! 1 + 1 = 3 ; this statement bothers most of mathematicians, it intrigued them to proof that it is true. However, to most of us – common people, we don’t really care on this debate.

And this is exactly what I feel about modern motherhood. Not everybody could understand the physical and mental struggles a mother has to face everyday. I am talking about SAHM, working moms, mom of one or twins, single moms. WE ARE ALL MOTHERS. We are all putting the same effort to raise our kids. We are all moving towards one purpose. But sadly, nowadays, the society often times try to part us into different segments. Then, the next day we wake up in mothers rivalry. Who are doing better and who are working harder?

To me, no matter what! All mothers are a super woman (full stop). They are the first one to wake up in the morning – the last one to to lay her head on bed. They gave up their body, they gave up their sleeps, they gave up their freedom, they gave up their space, they gave up their moments, they gave up their life for just one breath. They are the most selfish person on this entire world. AND I RESPECT ALL OF YOU. YOU ARE MY HERO.

That is why this topic annoys me a lot. And I feel that I had to speak up for myself. This is me explaining 1 + 1 = 3 is possibly true. The society has their own perception on motherhood. So do us, we have our own voice about motherhood. Do not let it break us, instead let the similarity unite us. So next time, when the society says you should not go back to work until at least your baby 12 months old OR they might question the things you are doing with your kids at home today, look at them in the eyes and share your voice confidently.

This journey is not meant for the weak. This gig is designed for those who are committed. This road is build for those who are willing to go extra miles, those who are open-minded, those who are extraordinaire, those who are brave enough to take the risk.

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REMEMBER THIS

Bottom line: Motherhood is not for anyone. And you are blessed to be one of its special breed.

BREAK THE RULES

YES! You hear this. BREAK THE RULES> rules are there in the first place to be broken, right? jkjkjk

With the firstborn I used to do everything textbook / Google accordingly. Unfortunately, with the second one, I have got very minimal time to follow step 1 to 10. Many times I skipped the step 1 to 6, jumped onto 7 straight away. Or otherwise, I would find Jared with another lollies in his mouth or bubbles on his throat.

Thus, I quickly learnt in order to survive motherhood, I gotta learn how to break the rules. The rules of breast feed vs bottle feed. The rules of co-sleep or crib sleep. The rules of BLW vs spoon feeding. The rules of spanking vs time out.

At this time round, I choose to do whatever works best for the me and my kids at the time. I know I used to be strict with routines. But, let’s be honest, routines are draining. For those who are having zero support system other than your husband in the house, living with routines and kids are hard work. I used up all my energy in yelling and chasing my toddlers rather than enjoying the magical moments we may create in between.

So quick updates on my life lately:

  • I don’t only breast feed. I combine breast feed and bottle feed Asher (depends on the circumstances). Mostly when I’m home during day time I breast feed him exclusively. And he’s happy to take either breast and bottle. So, I am happy too.
  • I stop sterilise bottles and other baby utensils – just because it takes forever to me to get ready. Boiling water is the way I roll these days.
  • I do half co-sleep with Asher just because I have already set up a cot for him inside the boys room and our bed is not spacious enough to fit another human on it. (We definitely need an upgrade to super King size). So, first half of the night, Asher will spend his sleep on his cot on the boys room, when he wakes up for night feeding, I will take him with me till the morning.
  • I slap and yell at Jared. But I don’t prefer to make that as my first response towards his daily misbehaviour. I ask him for time out at the first place then if he did the same mistake for the second time round, I have to give him a punishment as the consequence of his action. Then, I do reconciliation every night before bed with him then we pray together.

My advice to all mothers of one, two, three or many more. Your intuition is your best weapon. Follow them and wear them with pride.

Never ever feel sorry for breaking the rules, instead feel sorry for yourself for breaking down your mental health by following the rules.

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Mama your way is the only way you do motherhood. 
There is no hood like motherhood. Wishing you all the best and luck in thriving this gig. X

 

Love,

Kenny

#FASHIONFRIDAY – STROLL STRIPES

Hello another weekend!

Glad that we could have spend time together as a family of four. Our family quality time is pretty simple; strolling around the city, cafe hopping, playground and capturing moments.

And guess where we visited today?! Yes! Another day in Surry Hills. It is indeed one stylish neighbourhood next to the city which filled with many cafe scene. This was the place destination when we were dating till today, we take the kids with us like a joey in our pouch.

The kids enjoy the stroll as much as we do, while sipping his  version of coffee called babycino, then we stopped by here and there to take some pictures. And how I loved seeing how the photos turned out at the end of the day; many raw moments which we will treasure in few years to come.

OH LETS PUT A PRESSURE POINT to the outfit theme of the day; STRIPES STRIPES STRIPES…

Don’t they look cute together? Horizontal lines will give wider illusion to your body, an in contrast, vertical lines will give thinner illusion to your body. Let’s see. I don’t really believe in it, I still look wide in these photo though. T T What should I do >>> ? aghhh…Nevermind let’s not focus on my flaws. Let’s take a look at the star of the day/ the over – achiever. My forever firstborn, Jared. He’s clearly looking cute with this edgy look.

Oh and tomorrow we’re going to celebrate Jared’s 4th birthday! DINO RAWR!! gonna get back to blowing some balloons. So see you next week! X


Jared: Biker’s hat, Denim jacket & Stripes turtle neck (Cotton On Kids), “Play Hard” Legging (Minimacko), Stripes socks (Uniqlo), Shoes (Vans)
Kenny: Outerwear (H&M), Stripes White Pants (Shein), Sunglasses (ASOS), Shoes (Alexander Mcqueen)
Andri: Beanie (Carhartt), Stripe Shirt (GAP), Pants (Zara), Bomber Jacket (H&M)
Asher: Bonnet (Hazel Village), Stripes tee (Cotton On kids), Stripes Navy Overall (Miann & Co), Tights (Ollies & Place)

 

Love,

Kenny

THE WORTH OF MATERNITY PHOTOS

It has been a bliss to carry this bun inside my uterus for the past 8 months. And again! I am still stoked of woman’s body; its ability to grow and nurture life. And to realise that it is my own body, it even make it more special to me. I AM BLESSED to experience pregnancies at my age.

For that reason, I am so determined to do maternity shots this time round. I didn’t have one with my firstborn for some and many reasons. And honestly, I do regret for that matter. The more I think about maternity photos, the more I feel that it is worth it to have one. And here’s why?

Celebrate your body

Since the first day, the sperm met the egg, your body has been gearing hard with many adjustments and changes; big and small. For that reason, your body deserves a celebration. 10 months of carrying a watermelon is surely a hard work. So, throw the biggest celebration to your own body. Its doing really well.

Pregnancy is evanescent

I know how the last 4 weeks of pregnancy feels like. It feels like one year or forever. But, hey! the moment the baby’s out, you will surely miss this pregnancy; the burs, the punches, the kicks, the bloats, the heartburns, the craves, the connections. Nothing compares to the deep connection build within a mother and her womb.

Pregnancy is magical

I would say this again and again. Pregnancy is one of the most enchanted moment I have ever experienced. The fertile and maternal glow of a pregnant woman is so beautiful and sexy, I wish more people will see this. Despite the weight gain, stretch marks, hyper-pigmentation or whatever else you’re dealing with, there’s something so strong, maternal and radiant about a pregnant woman.

So, what about you? Are you thinking to have one too? I hope you do and won’t be left with the same regrets like me.

Beyond that, I hope every woman will truly embrace her inner goddess and let them shine!

Thanking my talented husband for taking these stunning photos of us. He is truly the best! He is a keeper, isn’t he? Below we share our moments. enjoy!! x

image4Processed with VSCO with a6 presetProcessed with VSCO with a6 presetProcessed with VSCO with a6 presetProcessed with VSCO with a6 presetProcessed with VSCO with a6 presetDress: Coven & Co, Flowers arrangement: Petals Of Putney

 

Love,

Kenny

MOMMY MONSTER SYMPTOMS

Does the Mommy Monster show up at your house on occasion? When the Mommy Monster yells, her anger affects the whole family. Last year I began to realize she was showing up at my house more than I was comfortable with. Every time she visits the house, suddenly the whole house atmosphere changes; cold and dark. When I examined what dynamics brought the appearance of the Mommy Monster, I realized that my unrealistic expectations were contributing to my craziness. I was not accurately estimating my children’s actual abilities. Bottom line: I WAS EXPECTING TOO MUCH TOO SOON.

Bottom line: I WAS EXPECTING TOO MUCH TOO SOON.

I WAS EXPECTING TOO MUCH TOO SOON

I remembered my lowest point as a mother last year, when I feel so lost, negative, unmotivated, hurtful, and helpless. I was applying rules, boundaries and time-out to my two-year-old. I was training my toddler to sleep through the night on his own room. I just started my small business. I was trying to conceive at the same time. (Read more of my struggle to conceive on Our Story – First Bumpdate)

However, the realities were revolved in contrast.

I was frustrated with with my two-year-old constantly pushing the limits, I was caught up in countless night soothings and sleep deprived. I barely saw any progress/prospects on my new business. I threw many pregnancy tests with one line (-) results.

This well intentioned mom was not accurately estimating her child’s actual abilities nor her own body actual abilities. She expecting too much too soon, which resulted in added stress for herself and her child. Yeahhh…that summed up my life a year ago perfectly. THAT’S ME you are talking about.

I overestimate my child’s ability to exercise self-control, to stay focused on a task, and to handle social situations. It’s normal for a two-year-old to get upset if he doesn’t get something he wants. It’s normal for a three-year-old to lose it if there’s a change in his bedtime routine. It’s normal to see zero progress in the beginning years of your business. It’s normal for my body to have some times to get ready for some major changes.

I LOSE PERSPECTIVE OF WHAT IS NORMAL

Too often, I let my own impatience take the lead and I scold with an angry voice because deep down I expect them to act better than they are. I lose perspective of what is normal behaviour for their age and stage of development. I get angry because they don’t live up to my off-the-charts expectations, and then Mommy Monster shows up full force.

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BE STILL

I did not realize that I was being overestimating/ overreacting until my husband told me “Calm down, he’s just turned two…” Often times, I forget the most powerful thing in life; the power of stillness. 

When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. — Eckhart Tolle

There are times for every thing under the heaven; there are times to plant, there are times to harvest, there are times for winter, there are times for summer. Expect something too soon will only give us unripe fruits. Be still and know that God is working relentlessly on behalf of our well intentioned.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

Today, I am happier mom. I rarely see the Mommy Monster around the house. I finally had my beauty sleep back because Jared has successfully achieved another milestone in conquering his fear; sleeping through the night on his own bed like a boss. I am growing another human inside my belly. I got my creativity back and found some good networks for the business.

I am uberly excited for this year! BYE MOMMY MONSTER! I hate you as much as I love you. X

If any of you could relate to any of this drama, I just wanted to encourage you to sit back and take a deep breath, count one to ten, then let your mind to rest for while. Everything is gonna be okay. The day will come to pass. It is normal to feel this way, but you are never alone in this tough gig. You are made for this!!

 

Love,

Kenny

DRESS YOUR BUMP IN ALL ONE COLOR

It’s the easiest way to get dressed in the morning. 

There is no secret trick to wearing monochromatic outfits. As long as you have tops, bottoms, and accessories in the same color (different shades of the color work too), dressing in all one hue is super simple and looks really chic.

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Well, since I am pregnant, let’s keep wearing BLACK. The instinct of most pregnant woman is to dress in dark colors, such as black or navy, because they think it makes them looks slimmer. “But, color actually really flatters your body,” says one of my fashionista friend.

Yesterday, I had a chance to date my best guy again. So, I gave it this style a try. AND I AM LOVING IT. I feel beautiful and slightly slimmer than my actual current body weight. so….here it is!! MY “BUMP STYLE IN ALL ONE COLOR” VERSION.

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UHHHHH YES! Comfort is still on my top list. Baggy tops and loose pants. These combo are most probably the only basics that fit my body these days. And I have no regrets to collect many of them. They are easy to pair with anything in any season. Most say “bigger clothes will make you looks larger during pregnancy”. And I do agree with the statement. So, I decided to wear my favourite mules to give slimmer illusion to my body. It’s a hot day with my hot date. Heels, you do good, you won’t hurt me. Casually pair them with a similar color sling bag then finish it off with a big statement; sailor cap and jumbo hula hoops. (Some outfits are from old collections of the brand, I attached the “shop similar” link below).

Well, that’s my whole look. Now, it’s time to vote. YAY or NAY? leave your comments below. I am being serious. X

Love,

Kenny

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tops & pants : Zara trf // mules : Senso // sling bag : Decjuba // baker boy cap : ASOS

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