WHO DESERVES YOUR LOVE THE MOST ?

As a mom, I tend to put myself behind others in the family, don’t you? Just because, I am a MOM. It’s in my nature to nurture and care the offsprings.

Who’s the first waking up in the morning?

Who’s the last closing their eyes at night?

Who’s the last person sitting on the dinner table?

Who’s the first person leaving the dinner table?

I don’t know about YOU. But these sounds like ME in everyday life. I tick all the boxes there – so I deserve a win I guess (on their eyes). Yes babe! You do! Take all the credits. I say it once again, take all the credits!

Ha….It took me only 3 years to understand this very word –

“I deserve all the credits”

I spent too many times hating and beating myself hard for not lifting up my performances to my expectations. Many nights, I sat on the corner of my bed crying out of guilts. Many hours, I sobbed pitying my life with dirty nappies and mess kitchen. Many occasions, I let others opinion overwrite my joy.

Then, a moment lights up – one night I sent J to bed as per usual, we planned to do all the bedtime routine as normal. The day was quite intense that day, and my face had turned red at the time, @#%3hdie&&! filled my brain. In the middle of our book reading, J told me “mommy, you should leave me now and go to work.” Then I replied, “wha do you mean?” J insisted “you should go to work, so you’ll get some money, and you will buy me toy, won’t you?”

I stopped there – AND yeah I realised that I can not pour out of an empty cup nor half empty cup. Others could feel the anger and disappointment within my soul. My child, he can sensed it. And that is the LAST thing you would let them feel; your negative vibe. No matter how hard you try to cover it from them, whatever you keep in your heart will ooze to the surface.

So, I quickly learn to love myself first before I can love others surround me.

Luke 10:27 The man answered, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

– Luke

Here was clearly stated to love your neighbors as yourself – how can you love others without knowing the art of loving yourself first? It is not an easy decision for me to put myself above others. However, I understand the significant impact it could bring onto others life today. SO, I CHOOSE TO LOVE MYSELF FIRST THIS VALENTINE’S DAY.

4 PRACTICAL STEPS ON HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF

1. SAY 3 THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF TODAY

Trust me! It is not as easy as it sounds!! ;(

Do yourself a quick test:

(in 5 seconds) mention 5 of your strengths / things you would die to keep in your life forever

(in 5 seconds) mention 5 of your weaknesses /something you wish you could change in life

Which questions you get all 5 in time?!

It is was easier to judge ourself than to appreciate ourself in life. We tend to train our brain by traits. By forcing myself to think hard about things I love about myself these days is the best healing force I have ever done.

2. BE GRACIOUS TO YOURSELF

The fact that you are a human. You have feelings and emotions. No one is perfect. Some of us confuse self-love with endless positivity and endless optimism. This will drag you to even hates yourself even more when you assume that we can only be tougher as what the world throw at us.

Allow yourself to be honest with who you are. Forgive yourself for your past deeds, those things you are ashamed of.

Learn to say “it is okay”

It is okay to not get everyone dress up nicely to the church.

It is okay to get a McDonalds for dinner today.

It is okay to leave the dirty dishes till tomorrow morning.


3. TREAT YOURSELFT

This part I love the most. Put your sanity above others. Go get some massage. Fix your nail and toe nails. Have some pretty blow dry at saloon. Enjoy your night outs with the girls.

Because you deserve it. Don’t feel bad about it.

4. SHARE YOURSELF

And only after you have worked out your own personal bumps you can begin to see the diamonds in the rough: your gifts.

Knowing that someone else out there might been through the exact pain/ confusion you were in last weekend. It is always worth to share your story to others. This is another effective way of self- healing; is when you try to be open with yourself. Being vulnerable is not a weak indication of a person, is a strong point of someone.

Find a medium or platform or group where you can give your experiences and take some tips and tricks about mothering/ parenting. It is always calming to have someone like-minded who gets your back through thick and thin.

So, here I am sharing my journey on this platform, believing that I am never alone in this, and would love to be someone else’s buddy on this journey called motherhood.

Connect with me on :
Instagram (@mamaonrepeat)
Pinterest (mamaonrepeat)

Lastly, here’s the answer to above question.

YOU!

It is you who deserves your love the most ! Remember that ! xx

Much love,

Kenny

MOTHERHOOD TRAP

Well, finally they were asleep… Where should I start?

Expectation: 1) clean the crumbs on the floor, disinfect the high chair 2) load the laundries onto washing machine 3) cook dinner 5) wash the dishes 6) clean the toilet 7) hang the laundries 8) tidy up the toys.

Reality: 1) make a warm cuppa 2) sit on my favourite couch 3) fashion magz and iPhone on both hands until I hear the weird noise from the other room.

Gap: Motherhood Trap


Yes, this is motherhood trap

The feeling to be and do everything, all the time. Oh I am serious on this! This feeling is toxically good. I mean on one side you may feel superior for becoming the primary carer for the house/family. However, on the other side you may end up burning yourself up with responsibilities.

NOPE! I refuse to be overwhelmed with my role as a mother. Motherhood is supposed to be enjoyed, not endured. Often times the gap between our expectation and the reality is getting bigger and bigger. And if you’ve never decided to address and treat this issue well, this will only trigger the crap out of you. Because you will always feel defeated by your situation which eventually will crack you under pressure.

Because hey mummas…. It’s a world of contrasts. We’re being pulled in a thousand different directions everyday; having a battle between being a mum or a cook, a mum or a cleaner, being a mum or career woman, a mum or a wife ALL DAY LONG. Perhaps, I should put it this way, we are literally trapped in a several worlds, holding the laundry basket on hip, walking the puppies, holding it all together and there is no way of pleasing everyone.

Yes, this is motherhood trap

It is complicated – new mums, if only we can simply sleep while the baby sleeps. For me, I know that is the only time I can get my things done (households and works). Everyday is full of choices and sacrifices. And with each choice came, unbidden, a sense of guilt or regret or anxiety: Maybe I should have played with the kids instead of cooking dinner? Maybe I should have tidied the house instead of having a lie-down?

Yes, this is motherhood trap

There is no way we can avoid this situation. BUT, there some ways we can rise up to the occasions. So, let me share 2 TRUTHS ABOUT YOU, MUM:

1. You are a capable mother NOT a perfect mother

A mother can do anything but not everything. Always keep in your mind that you can not get everything on top of you. Do things one at a time, by following these steps:

  • Make a day to day to-do-list to simplify your tasks (categorise them based on your priorities),
  • cross each task you have done, and
  • do a quick review at night, lastly
  • celebrate every small wins you have done in a day.

2. What you do today will never devalue your identity as a mother 

Whatever choices you make today come with consequences. Never feel less about yourself. Believe on what you choose is for the benefits of the family. And in case you just had a bad day, please don’t milk it for too long. Stop a moment, take a deep breath and move on. You’ve still got many mothering things to do.

THUS…LET’S CLIMB OUT OF THIS MOTHERHOOD TRAP

 

Love,

Kenny